When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?
"If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset―and this book does it with science and humor."
-Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take
"An essential book for our times."
-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We’re not listening.
And no one is listening to us.
Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.
In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.
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Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texas–based journalist who has written for The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly.
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1. The Lost Art of Listening
2. That Syncing Feeling: The Neuroscience of Listening
3. Listening to Your Curiosity: What We Can Learn from Toddlers
4. I Know What You're going to Say: Assumptions as Earplugs
5. The Tone-Deaf Response: Why People Would Rather Talk to Their Dog
6. Talking Like a Tortoise, Thinking Like a Hare: The Speech-Thought Differential
7. Listening to Opposing Views: Why It Feels Like Being Chased by a Bear
8. Focusing on What's Important: Listening in the Age of Big Data
9. Improvisational Listening: A funny Thing Happened on the Way to Work
10. Conversational Sensitivity: What Terry Gross, LBJ, and Con Men have in Common
11. Listening to Yourself: The Voluble Inner Voice
12. Supporting, Not Shifting, the Conversation
13. Hammers, Anvils, and Stirrups: Turning Sound Waves into Brain Waves
14. Addicted to Distraction
15. What Words Conceal and Silence Reveal
16. The Morality of Listening: What Gossip Is Good for You
17. When to Stop Listening
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